Rehearsals

We’re walking through it.
Rehearsing the way we talk,
The way we walk,
The way we laugh.
But I keep saying the wrong lines
Getting lost beside you –
Lost in your quirky smile.
Your deep eyes
Could see right through me,
But I don’t think I can wait.
Because its not rehearsals –
It’s my life.

Crimson Leaf

Lying in bed
I drift into slumber
Waking to find myself lost
Inside a twisted dream

Coal trunks
And blood leaves
The horrific trees weep
Spilling crimson tears

The flat black floor
Dotted with startling orange
Deceiving my searching eyes
I feel my stomach turn

Suddenly I sink
Falling
The great chasm seals seamlessly above me
And nobody hears my strangled scream

Awoken by my own fear
I sit upright in my bed
Eyes find my hand
Clutching a crimson leaf

Wicked Fear

Falling shadows
Inky, coal-black, death
Ebony-evil and raven-dreams
Lost within obsidian-imaginings
Soot covered crows
Murky, cold, and shady
Alone, together
Jet powered
Malicious freedom
I see all your wicked fear

Gun Shot in the Dead of Night

A gunshot in the dead of night I wake from my light slumber
Impenetrable darkness outside my window
The question haunting
Who?

Lost morning dawn
No new beginning
I walk through my own fears
To find you here before me

I see your hinting smile
You comprehend my knowing glance
I step forward to meet your cold stare
The barrel stabbed into my ribs

I raise my face to the sky
Asking for him to be forgiven
The trigger, my death toll

I swallow my scream
And fall into soft nothingness
Prepare to be forgotten
Just another gunshot in the dead of night

Answer

My heart divided
My soul split
You there
Me here

How I wish I could lift this veil
This veil which clouds my judgment.
Should I?
Shouldn’t I?

Why not end the pain
End his sufferings
Or would that only cause more
Where is the answer that I so truly long for?

Is it hidden away from the world?
Or just avoiding me
Do they know the solution?
Are they keeping to them selves?

These so called friends
Where are they now?
Their trust once kept me afloat

Now as I drift into the murky depths
I call upon the once serene times

The blade glints
Flashing in the sun
You appear to guide me home
The cool liquid streaming down my pale arm
You take my hand

I grow weak
You press on
My light starts to dwindle
And together we fade
Into the ever setting sun

Forbidden Self

You look at me.
What do you see?
A girl?
Or do you see the soul beneath the surface?

The soul that screams for freedom.
Fighting to be heard.
Clawing at the wall.
The forbidden me.

You say you know.
You think you do.
You are not the only one.
People who are so blind.

Watching and waiting.
Things that I cannot bear.
I cannot replace these feelings inside.
If only they knew.

If only they could see.
Could see the forbidden me.

Will it forever be this way?
My true self hidden deep inside.
For fear of what they will think.
Those who love me.

Should they accept me?
Would they learn to understand the hidden me?
Could they love my forbidden self?